Sweet ad that promised that if I shot the iPhone, I would in fact win a free one. First off, my empty life has already been filled with the technological pony dance that is the iPhone.

Second, I do NOT want to party with the dude who still to this day shoots the iPhone thinking he will in fact win one.

BTW clearly the shooting of the iPhone is in some flash ad. For clarification that is.

Now, in my younger days, I would actually click these links. Why? Because I was so bored at work sometimes that the only game I could play to pass the time was that “hit the ball out of the park and Orbitz will fly you around with a gnome stapled to your neck” or whatever. That game was awesome.

But did I ever think I would actually win anything? No. I’d love to meet the guy who gets excited, nervous, and all pumped. Like “here’s my shot - let’s go Roy, hit this fucking iPhone!” He sits up. Leans in all close. Slides the mouse cursor. Holds his breath. Points. Clicks.

Misses.

Fail.

Get out your fucking checkbook.

Been on a roll lately with Krantz. He has managed to drag me to CrossFit a bunch. I feel like a million bucks. We signed up for a second gym near our apartment so we can get back to practicing basketball. It’s a bit annoying when the 5′11″ jewish guy is closer to dunking than the 6′4″ kid whose dad played ball but of course I root for him. We tried to play HU4Lunch bball today but we both moved like I moved 2 years ago.

Excited for playing more in the feature when my legs don’t hurt. Felt light on my feet, I think I’ll be grabbing rim shortly, which will help me with boarding.

Got a sick session in today which ended up in me recording a vid vs. a DC member which will air this Thursday. TBH I was kinda shocked in the lack of love for the last vid I did with Jay because it really blew me away. He outdid himself today again. I really had no idea he was that good at poker. I knew he was the best, but didn’t know that was how good the best was. Hopefully that makes sense.

On to more tangable things - who gives a shit about the Raiders. I just heard it on ESPN in the background. Because I am not in NY and getting direct TV was a huge chore, I had to go out to a bar at 10am on a Sunday to watch the Giants a few weeks ago. On one of the screens was the Raiders/Chiefs game. Wow. There were these solid bro pals hanging out and watching the Raiders, all excited. Well, one guy was but he seemingly knew nothing about football. Regardless, he felt obliged to share his knowledge with his buddies at the bar. It was epic fail annoying and the equivalent of two complete idiots trying to explain Real Analysis to one another (horrible joke but that was a hard class).

Anyway, as I chomped down a burger that probably would have tasted better if I had found it in the garbage, I commented to the bartender “man I’ve never actually seen a Raiders fan before!” He then commented that he in fact was a Raiders fan.

“That sucks.” danzasmack

I stole a copy of “Sky Mall” as I’ve been flying a lot lately. There is a plethora of shit in that magazine. It’s like a crazy cat lady’s attic I swear. But one that travels a LOT.

Anyway, I plan on digging up the funnier products but for now, in the “things I read” vein -

“The latest in ancient technology!”

What?

No macros in Excel 2008? Are you serious? Apparently everybody but me knew this.

Anyway if I am wrong somebody please tell me. AFAIK, I can not run/write/record macros in MS Excel 2008 on the mac.

Piss of mac.

Still open.

Must be 12 beers deep.

An Open Challenge to FoxwoodsFiend

Hey FoxwoodsFiend,

I noticed that you felt like posting in comments to talk trash and continue to assert that I’m an awful poker player. Given that you think I’m awful and I think you’re awful, I would like to challenge you to a match. 4 tables of $10 NL HUSNGs or $20 HURAZZ sngs, whichever you prefer. If your trashtalking is anything other than pure delusional venting, you should be jumping at the chance to play me.

So, basically you have two choices: play me or admit that you’re a pathetic joke of a poker player who runs off at the mouth and never backs it up. Looking forward to hearing from you in comments.

IF JOE DRINKS IT

IT MUST BE GOOD

There are big time restaurant with famous chefs and stores with fancy shit people want already that go out of business on the regular.

Then there’s this hand made soap store that blows bubbles out of a machine down the block from me. And there are the dozens of crappy “lol I went to NYC!” stores all over midtown that somehow manage to stay in business.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of living in or visiting Manhattan - there are like whole city blocks of these SHIT stores. Literally they just sell shit. Like, taxi candles and porcelain Statue of Liberties. You can buy like 40 t-shirts for $8 there (if you’re willing to get a rash every time you put one on). I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else in there. They have sodas from like 1976 (TAB for the win!) and I mean seriously - they’ve got to be selling drugs there or something.

Sprinkled amongst them are these bogus discount electronics stores that prop up latptops in the window with shockingly low price tags. Tom Hanks describes these stores better than I ever could in an old SNL bit I’ve included below.

That has got to be the worst fucking card ever made.

1) Some asshole actually made that card. He literally went out of his way to make that card. There was a design process. “What are we going to do with this weird sunflower picture you drew?” “Sorry card.” “Who gets someone a card when they’re sorry?” “People who can’t afford flowers?”

2) “Forgive Me?” Seriously? You better attach this card to a fucking race car if you think I’m going to forgive you for anything if you gave me this card. They say it’s the thought that counts but honestly, I’d rather not know thoughts like this existed.

What type of situations merit and “I’m Sorry” card. Come to think of it I might just buy like 50 of these and keep them on me to give out when I fart in the elevator or something. “What’s that smell?” Boom here’s a card. I could probably buy like $500 worth of Applebee’s gift cards to stuff in there (get them at a discount I’m sure). Some would take it as “Great, this guy is giving me a gift card for when I get my appetite back” while the others will think “what the fuck did he eat at applebee’s? It smells like old tires in here.”